I thought that, right after I left Texas, Cowboy finally loved me again; that some boundary had been broken, that he had put aside what had happened before, that we could be an us that rivaled the us we were before. On the phone, he told me he loved me; if it sounded like I wasn't going to say it, he made sure to sneak it in before the end of the phone call.

But the next week, once he was in Toronto starting anew, he reverted back to the way he felt when we were together in Philadelphia. He cared about me, sure -- but not enough to check in with me during work to see how I was doing. Yes, he was busy, but it isn't hard to IM someone before you take a shower in the morning when the computer is right across from your bed. He says he just isn't "in the habit." He was, however, in the habit at home, during that week where he actually loved me.

Oh well. I want to have hope that we could be what we were before, but he doesn't want to focus on that right now. It's understandable, but does he really think he isn't going to meet someone else during the 5 years he's in Canada? Of course he doesn't think that. But he doesn't think enough of me to do something about it.

And yes, things are more complicated than all of this, but rather than work through the complications, we're just abandoning the entire project.